Misconceptions of sorts

Letters Home

These days i prefer to write. I’m finding that no listens anymore; unless it’s a whisper, but sadly I have no secrets to share these days.

My friends tell me I am an open book, so it always a surprise how they often fail to understand me whenever I put them to the test.

My first missed concept. Sharing.

Growing up I felt the key to developing a true bond with someone was open communication – a trade. You show me yours and I’ll show you mine kinda trade.

This came from my openess and want of friendship, I wanted to know people, I wanted to unravel there mystery see who is behind the mask, the make up, who existed between the earphones, who lived beneath the Afro. What’s their story and how exactly could I relate.

So throughout high school I had a lot of friends, who were not…

View original post 248 more words

Advertisements

A Body of War

DSC_0148 (2)

These days I’m a little more lonely.

I’ve forgotten how to speak light into my life, I’ve forgotten how to marvel over the small things. I don’t count my breaths and say thanks anymore. My heart is full and it isn’t with the usual glee and gratitude I felt at 21 or 22.

I often find myself falling asleep to the noise between my ears, getting lost in the crowded space of my mind until I am too exhausted to listen. That is how I fall asleep at nights. I stumble over my legs every morning and crawl to the mirror. I drag myself to the forefront of my mind and make my eyes see me. That is what “self-love” feels like these days. It is a constant trial and error, a dragging and beating my body into understanding and acceptance. It isn’t flowers and peaceful “aligning of chakras”. This path hasn’t just been about laying on itchy grass and looking up to the sky with smiles.

No.

It is war.

A constant bloody battle of skin, bone and the heavy stench of ugly thoughts behind flesh.

With every part of me that dies and rots in waiting for love to come, another part is born, crying at me, calling me mother, and begging me to love it hard, fast, long and right now. And it is hard…it is really hard. I struggle with it. I know how to smile too well and laugh too wide to give myself away in weakness. But I am the one dwelling behind all my closed doors, and in every single room, this little girl is fighting. Still fighting to love the thing that bleeds and brings her pain, still struggling to love the mind that goes too fast, too long, too hard, too much. I am still learning how to dwell inside my body, I am still learning how paint inside my skin and how to wear it around me comfortably and stitch it in style. It is a fight and it gets brutal and at times frighteningly ugly. But I am pulling through and trying to stay.

I am trying to stay, I am trying to stay.
My God… I am really trying.

Hi

I haven’t written in a while, mainly because of fear. Fear has been this ugly,nagging slime, clawing at the back of my throat, chasing my saliva the wrong way. It has devoured every hope that enters my mind and it has held my hands captive. Today I am not as brave as I would like to be, but today I am  brave enough to start again. This is me starting over for the millionth time, this is me, once again, trying to be “okay”.

In The Middle of The Night (Part 1)

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/01/06/weekly-writing-challenge-cliffhanger/

20140110-111603.jpg

If sneaking out wasn’t bad enough, the fact that Miriam was sneaking out to meet up with the ‘forbidden Fruit’ was just terrible. ‘The Forbidden Fruit’ was the silly yet symbolic nickname awarded to Michael Collins, mostly because he was the village preacher’s son , but also because he was not the stereotypical , rebellious church mouse teen. Standing pure as the living male version of the Virgin Mary, he was admired by both adults and hormone driven teenage girls. But here Miriam was, holding up the hems of her silken night gown and throwing a leg over the wall to go meet the chap in the middle of the night.

Jumping down from the high concrete wall, Miriam ran wild in the wind. The darkness and chill of the night, coupled with the bareness of her feet, pushed her to go even faster, but of course, her prime motivation was to see Michael. On the way there she imagined it just as she had a thousand times before; the softness of his lips, the broadness of his shoulders, the warmth of his embrace . Her legs got shaky when she thought any further, so she smiled and just kept running, till she got to the corner of Mrs. Fowler’s house and could finally see the chapel. She stopped for a moment and ran her hand over her neatly combed hair. She didn’t have a mirror but she was confident her flattened hand was enough to wipe all the sheen from her face. It wasn’t until she lifted her hand that she realized she was shaking, but she grabbed the hem of that night gown and pushed her way up that hill because nerves or no nerves, tonight, was the night. And what a night it was. The distant moon hovered over the chapel’s slender cross, and a pack of dogs howled somewhere nearby.

Passing the usually scary headstones in the Chapel’s graveyard was effortless in that moment, because her eyes were fixed on the door. She knocked on it the special way he had told her to, and after a moment that felt like eternity, she saw the doors slowly parting open. Then darkness. Deafening silence and blinding darkness. Hesitantly, she put a foot in the door, then the other, then she tried to speak but, was instantly silenced by a cold finger on her lips. Goosebumps covered her skin and she was suddenly electrified and terrified at the same time. She then felt him take her hand, and found herself being led through the darkness.

Finally he stopped. He let go of her hand and on came a light. She hadn’t realized where they were, but it was in the supplies room behind the pulpit and the stage. Their eyes met, and they both melted in a smile, awkwardly and silently they looked on at each other as Michael made the first move for a kiss. Slowly he leaned his head in, all the while Miriam had her eyes wide open like a deer in headlights. Finally he was close enough for his breath to be bouncing off of her face but he paused. Frozen, they both stood before abruptly forbidden fruit Michael decided to crash his mouth against Miriam’s causing both their noses to collide and to be uncomfortably squished and turned as Michael acted out what he thought was a kiss. Miriam held her breath and tried to go with it, but she couldn’t shake the feeling of being underwhelmed. Trying not to leave him with all the work, Miriam flung her stringy arms around his scrawny neck and tried to put her body closer to his. It started to feel better, but then with a crash, it ended. Fortunately and unfortunately, the crash did not come from either of them stumbling into anything and perhaps that’s what caused the greatest alarm in both their little hearts.’Quick! Hide!’Michael gave the orders as softly as he could, but he didn’t need to, for Miriam had long found herself down on her knees with her back to an old table in the tiny room.

‘Oh my God..’

‘Shhhh!’ Michael silenced her before flicking off the lights again. In the silence they crouched listening and waiting. Soon enough, they heard everything :footsteps, two sets, then the voice of a man, it was low, he was trying to be discreet. As the sweat rolled down Micheal’s back he rose up and moved within the room towards the direction of the sounds.
‘You hear that?’ He whispered to Miriam
‘Voices’
The man they heard got louder, and a thunderous laugh belted from him.it was then that they both truly grew frightened. In unison, they recognized the strong and hearty laugh.
‘Jesus Christ!’ Michael sounded like he was in agony, but Miriam was simply envisioning her execution and funeral, as she knew that if his father walked in on them now, they would both be dead by morning. A man of God or not, she still feared him, but more than her fear of him was her fear of her own mother. The way she would let her have it, and this village would never let it rest. It would follow her to her grave which she figured,would be dug shortly. But then came the second voice. Laughter – a woman’s laughter.
Together, they pressed their ears to the wall. They only heard more giggling. It was then that they realized that this was no search party . Still not at ease and Curious, they listened on and in time, the woman left her giggles and said something unclear . At the sound of the woman’s voice, Miriam’s heart sank and Michael started to sweat harder. Thoughts started to swirl in their minds and Miriam was struck with the most terrifying combination of shock and confusion, all the while Michael’s voice seared through her like a knife.
‘Miriam…’ Michael said. He figured he didn’t need to finish his sentence because in the darkened room he could see the white of Miriam’s now widened eyes. But he continued.
‘Miriam who does that sound like to you? ‘
Petrified, immobilized and filled with nothing but shock and fear, slowly Miriam turned in the darkness and lifted her head to the heavens
‘Mother of Christ’ she slowly exclaimed and in timely fashion, Michael whispered,
‘Our parents are here and they didn’t come looking for us…they came looking for each other .’

To be continued.

Get Inspired: Blog Ideas for 2014

The WordPress.com Blog

Write more. Paint more. Photograph more. 

Do something amazing. Go down a different path.

Challenge myself. 

New year’s resolutions — you might make ’em, or you may think they’re trite and a waste of time. Whatever the case, you’re here, aren’t you? Exploring WordPress.com, contemplating your next blog post, and scheming up 2014. We closed out 2013 with a showcase of year-long, daily, and weekly projects, so let’s brainstorm ways, big and small, to get your work out into the world in 2014.

Think big

the wanderers

Photographer and writer Stephanie Dandan at Infinite Satorisets off for Asia soon to work on a photo storybook called The Wanderers. Traveling solo, Stephanie will meet other explorers on her journey and tell their stories. She lays out her project on Kickstarter, and its design aesthetic — and her nomadic and adventurous spirit — echo the work she publishes on her blog.

But thinking…

View original post 778 more words

Tessanne Took It Home: Tessanne Chin is ‘The Voice’.

Image

It is official: Jamaica’s Tessanne Chin has won ‘The Voice’ competition 2013. 

The Adam Levine coached singer, emerged victorious after twelve grueling weeks of hard work.Competitor Will Champlin came in at third, and Jacquie Lee, placed second. Tessanne is the winner of $100,000 USD and a Universal Music Group recording contract, as well as, the winner of a new car from Kia Motors, a prize shared by all of the top 3 contestants.

The show’s finale was laced with performances from singing legend Celine Dion, Ne-Yo, One Republic, and Lady Gaga, as well as reunion performances from the show’s top 20 contestants. Captivating duo performances of Celine Dion and Ne-Yo as well as Lady Gaga and Christina Anguilera were especially notable.

Parties in honor of the songstress and her victory especially in the Kingston Half-Way Tree Area, celebrate with the rest of the country who supported the artiste on her Journey.

Congratulations Tessanne Chin.

Will Tessanne Chin Take It Home? – The Voice Final Showdown

The Voice - Season 5

Tessanne Chin performs Whitney Houston’s ‘I Have Nothing’ on NBC’s ‘The Voice’ finale December 16,2013.

After tonight’s breathtaking rendition of the Late Whitney Houston’s ‘I Have Nothing’,by beloved Tessanne Chin, most Jamaicans were left with no doubt in their mind who the victory really belongs to. However, this US based competition is still playing host to the Jamaican based artiste, and so it begs the question: How much of a chance does she really have at this point?

With 16 year old power house Jacquie Lee, arguably Tessanne’s greatest competition, Tessanne still has a great chance of winning America’s heart over for the home run. The powerful performance of such a sacred classic, was not only well done, but is  also backed by last week’s number 1 Itunes ‘Bridge Over Troubled Waters.’ In addition, her fiery and reggae seasoned performance with coach Adam Levine, is already doing well on the Itunes charts so things are definitely looking up for the star. The odds are hardly against her.

Despite the great performances of both Will Champlin and Jacquie Lee, Tessanne seems to possess enough charm and talent to win this competition. Already being hailed as ‘world class vocalist’ by Judge Blake Shelton, and arguably the best vocalist in the history of the show, it is obvious that regardless of tomorrow night’s outcome, Tessanne has already won in more ways than one. The warm and overwhelming support she has received from the nation, her name in headlines weekly, and the international recognition of her vocal talent is enough to firmly set her foot on the path to a notable vocal career as she continues to cement herself in history. However, whether or not she will be named ‘The Voice’ is something we will have to do our best to ensure.

Watch Tessanne’s finale solo performance on The Voice here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4haJod6R314

Yes Beyoncé Yes!

20131214-195522.jpg

Video still from Beyonce’s ‘Yonce’ video.December 14, 2013.

For every Beyoncé lover who might have been frustrated by her seemingly absentee single and album release, on Friday, December  13, 2013, relief was received.

The 14 track and 17 video visual album was put up on  iTunes and was a midnight surprise for both her fans and the music world. Within a matter of hours the album which had not been previously announced or marketed, was number one in over 80 countries, and if you should take a look at this production, you will instantly see why. It was well crafted from beginning to end. Quality,quality, quality!

Apart from stunning visuals, the 32 year old artiste seasoned the delicacy with a rather sensual and mature dose of content; a different side of her, that until now had not received much exposure. From raunchy details of getting hot and heavy in a car with her husband, to having bouts of jealousy, Beyoncé has written and produced a sort of “musical tell all” that is a joy to watch and listen to.

The album features collaborations with artistes, Frank Ocean and Drake, while appearances in a few of the videos on the album were made by her sister Solange Knowles, producer and artiste Pharrell Williams, and past Destiny’s Child members, Kelly and Michelle.

I won’t give a review of the album track by track, but I will simply say that it was beautiful. I was able to see the vision she had behind every song she wrote and I do welcome this mature fearless dimension of her. If I could predict anything correctly, I would say this album should be gaining Beyoncé many awards later on in 2014.

Here’s the link to the album on iTunes :
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/beyonce/id780330041

Connect

Today was different. I hung the laundry out, and the sun heated up my face, the wind kissed my skin and I was just so happy to be alive. I wasn’t at a party, I wasn’t hanging off of a cliff, but i felt a thrill, and I was grateful for moments like these. Sometimes we just need to connect with other things to remember that we are flesh and blood and not nuts and bolts. Technology and all this plastic junk that confines us and constantly holds our attention, can really blur the lines causing us to forget that we ourselves are not machines. We need air. We need to feel the soil beneath our feet and we need to feel the water roll down our backs. We have to take the time to run our fingers through our hair and just be human. We are not merely an extension of our laptops and our cellphones or mp3s. We are the purpose. Connecting and communicating have evolved, but that doesn’t mean the traditional ways are invalid. Amidst us always finding new ways to do these basic things, we should never forget the reason why we want to preserve connection and carry it on with us in every way. Remind yourself to connect, in the old way as much as the new.

20131214-192326.jpg

Regarding this whole Trinidad issue…

I hate to say this, but I told you so…and I saw this coming from a mile away. Trinidad may or may not have bitter blood boiling for us over there for some reason, but one thing they also have over us as a nation it seems, is common sense.

My goodness. When is the last time you’ve seen a package of st Mary’s banana chips along the shopping aisles? Saldanza crept up on us in our supermarkets and little wholesales like a virus! And just like the naive souls we are, we gobbled it all up and tossed aside our wonderful homemade products. I watched those chips grow and spread across these supermarket shelves like a plague, as poor st Mary’s chips just withered away and disappeared under the ‘Saldanza Regime’ .Now when Trinidad finally starts showing their true feelings, that’s when the light bulb goes off in our heads, that maybe they don’t respect us because we make such silly decisions that it seems we don’t respect ourselves.

Mind you, I’m not simply basing this whole argument on Saldanza chips governing our grocery stores now, and bullying our own products from our grocery lists but I’m just saying, why do we keep allowing history to repeat itself? It seems no one wants us in their home, but yet everyone wants to invade us, take what they can, and leave us as empty and dry as possible. The sad truth is, that when they’re done nourishing their own nations off of us, we are the ones who go running after these places for ‘help’ asking to ‘borrow back’ what we GAVE to them. Does this ‘trade off’ sound sensible to you?